Sunday 12 February 2012

Self Portraits

   Well, self portraits. I don't have a whole boat of confidence, especially not about the way I look. So photographs of me are few and far between. These days my boyfriend is in them too, which gives me a little more confidence, since it distracts from me, but I also can't help thinking that maybe I should just grab my camera and just take some of me. For my sake.

   Anyway, you want to know what I learnt from this? Well, I learnt that I do need to stick to my small digital camera as opposed to my DSLR - I just can't hold that thing backwards and it has no screen on the back for me to keep track of composition.
   I learnt that I do actually have cheekbones hiding somewhere on my face.
   I learnt that sometimes a harsh black and white contrast can work.
   And, most importantly, I learnt I always obscure my face, somehow. I used to do photography as a hobby for a few years, but now my camera has been demoted to tutorials instead. I looked back at the photos I took a few years back. They were almost all exclusively of me, since I was the only person I had to work with, but my confidence was back then much the same as it is now. After taking the picture below, I found that I have an on-going theme of obscurity. I will either add strange make up to my face, like below, which seemed to be my favourite method, or I would edit it in some way - usually my eyes or I'd add a photograph over the top of something unrelated - or I would go as far as to crop. Some of the few unedited and un make-uped pictures I've taken have only half of my face in it.
   Obviously, this shows my level of confidence, but I also like to think that it keeps some questions. You wouldn't recognise me on the street, that's for certain! I am able to keep my own identity, and I'm able to be versatile when I need to be. Like a chameleon! Looking at it, it's not a habit I'm ashamed of. I'm surprised at myself for always doing it, but it's a habit I think I like. It's almost like in every picture, I'm someone else. Sometimes I have a harder expression, other times a softer one. None of them really portray how I feel at the time - that's just not the self portraits I seem to make - but they do all portray parts of who I am. I might listen to a song I love and that can change the outcome. Below, I was listening to Star Struck by Lady Gaga. I've done others influenced by other things - one of my favourites is influenced by Magic - I'm sure it exists somewhere - and I've painted an arcane style image beneath my eye. In fact, I'll add that to this post because I'm really fond of it. But that portrays my love of fantasy and other worlds. Then there are other photos of just certain aspects - my lips or my eyes. My eye photos were especially my boyfriend's favourites. I did most of them for him anyway. They were all influenced by completely different things. Certain make up colours I had reminded me of dragon scales and mermaids, while others reminded me of Greek deities - all of which are interests of mine.
   So while you never see my full, real face, you get to know me a little better. Maybe my personality comes out more than my appearance.

   But I also learnt that I need to have more confidence. I truly do. I'm not a gorgeous person, but I'm not unfortunate either. I'm sure I didn't land Seeg with personality alone - though I'm quite sure that that shines through the most. I never go out, and when I do, I used to wear my favourite double breasted coat, but now I just bundle myself in an unflattering grey...thing, and just go out like that. There's not many parts of my body that I am fond of, either, but when I'm wearing the right clothes, I don't look too bad. I never ever thought I'd do it, but I bought a pair of skinny jeans a few months back at my sister's request - I got some lush boots to go with them - and they actually work. For that, I have new confidence in my legs, and following a whole year of exercise, I'm starting to grow a little more fond of my upper body too. I dropped a clothe size! And I know, after a year you'd expect that, but I didn't. And not to a 10 - I've never been a ten. Whenever I go into a clothes shop, almost all UK 12s are out of stock - this makes me happy. I have an average body size

   So I suppose I learnt a lot from taking one photograph. And I'm glad I did it.
I was nervous at first, but it was the right choice ^^

1 comment:

  1. these are great!! love the artistic quality. You really do have some gorgeous features too! After reading this, I've made it my mission to get you to take one showing your real/full face during this series ;)
    xo dana


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