Thursday 28 February 2013

On a Downer.

   I don't like to make miserable posts, so don't assume I'm being whiney. I'm using this post as a way to try to figure out what might be bothering me. But let me start by saying that by no means do I feel that nothing in my life is going right. I have an amazing boyfriend who I really do love more every day, and who can always make me laugh and knows just how to do it; I have an amazing family who look after us as we do for them, would never turn us away or kick us out, and never ask us for anything; I have health, and intelligence, even if it doesn't always seem like it. In short, my life is just peachy.
   But I still can't shake this downer. I'll be honest, I don't think I have much to be upset about, like I said above, but that doesn't always help to shake such a feeling off.
   I can think of a few things it might be.

   My shop. Lately they have both been so very, very slow. The only thing keeping me positive is that I've got new products for both Peaches and Pebbles, and Grumble Cave Monsters. The downside of that is that I'm still waiting for supplies for my new jewellery, and while I finished the new monster piece, I've found it impossible to photograph. I photographed it against white, but because it is white itself, it didn't work out, but I don't like it against wood at all, either. I don't want to photograph it on myself, and I have no immediate people who can help me out either, so I'm feeling a bit stuck with that.
   My weight. I weighed myself at the beginning of February, worked hard for the next three weeks, particularly the final week where I doubled my exercise time. I weighed myself the Monday afterwards and somehow gained a pound or two. In my experience, if I weigh myself on a Monday, exercise properly for a week, then weigh myself on Friday, I always weigh more, but if I rest for the weekend and then weigh myself on the next Monday, I weigh less than the initial Monday. I'm hoping that by doubling the amount of time I spent exercising, I just shocked my body, or something like that, and the weekend wasn't enough to rest over. I don't believe I've actually gained anything, surely I've only lost it, but it still hasn't given me any confidence boost - very much the latter, in fact.
   Writing. This is a big one for me. I enjoy writing, and I like the story I'm writing right now, but I'm having a hard time wanting to do it, and so, I don't. This means I'm postponing my dream career, because, I've discovered, I don't think I want it as much as I thought I did, otherwise, surely, I'd be able to make myself do it. Actually, I wouldn't even have to "make myself" do it. I'd do it because I want to. I think, for the most part, it's because I'm not interested enough in my characters. The story is a good one, and it could do well, but finding the concentration to sit down and write it is getting harder and harder - and the longer I put it off, the harder it gets to get back to it. It's bringing me down, along with the fact that, as I've stated several times before, my dream career is in the hands of complete strangers, depending on their opinion. I cannot offer any achievements or grades to pursuade them, because they would mean little. So all I can do is keep writing and hope it's not all for naught.
   Money. I don't like to talk about finances, but we're saving up for things that are important to us, which means we're a little worse off than we used to be. We've never had much money, and with nothing but crickets coming from the shop lately, we are especially bad off, which is bringing me down. I worry that we won't be able to afford things we need, or, should something happen, we be unable to cope.

   I don't mean to whine, and it's helped to get this out a bit, but at the end of the day, I think I've realised that this downer is something I've slipped into for no reason at all, and one I will snap myself out of in time. Knowing me, it may not last too long. Seeg thinks I just need to keep myself occupied, so there's a marathon Naruto session coming up, along with excessive amounts of Mass Effect and Skyrim, and birthday cake making. It's my mum's 49th on the 1st, and, despite having to ask my dad nicely, we managed to get her a present. Nothing flash - she's very hard to buy for, since she has no hobbies - but it's something that will last and she will enjoy looking at. We got her some fake poppies. At least they won't die - and, knowing mum, she won't even realise they're fake. Not that we're trying to trick her, we're not that mean.

   Hopefully things will perk up shortly. How about everyone else? Anyone else having a bad day? Or perhaps an especially good day? Got any nice/funny/sweet stories to cheer me up with? We also just watched the Naruto Shippuuden double episode of the Kyuubi's attack on Konoha today, which didn't help. While it was obvious particular characters would die, since it was set 16 years before "present day", it still didn't stop tears from streaming down my face. Anime is deadly. Chracters get too deep, and when they die (which is rare, to be fair), it's awful.


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