Sunday 19 March 2017

A Touch of Honesty 1.2

   Right. I've neglected my blog from a persona standpoint for a while now because so many things have been stressing me out. I spoke about them a little while ago, and there's been a single development: Seeg's application for a permanent residence card has been processed. And rejected.

   As it presently stands, he doesn't have to leave the UK. He can carry on as he has been for the last 6 years because the permanent residence card is just a formality, it doesn't affect his right to live in the UK as a Dutch national. But how long that will be the case, we don't know. That's why this mattered. Leaving the EU means that things will change for EU nationals in the UK, and UK nationals in the EU. It's said people already living here won't be affected, something I doubt that very much, but now that his application has been rejected because he's been helping me look after my mum rather than working, it makes me wonder just how we're going to be able to stand up against it if 'working' is what constitutes as 'living' here.
   So this has been keeping me up, making me panic and just generally making me want to lock myself in the house, draw the lights, unplug the internet and pretend the world outside doesn't exist.
   I've not given in, of course - beyond simply distancing myself from this blog and social media on a personal level - and the coming of spring is helping to ease me, but the trouble is that we have no idea what's going to happen now, and that means that we have no idea how to prepare nor what we can do against it. The permanent residence card was our safety net for the Brexit changes - assuming of course that the permanent residence card for EEA nationals itself isn't affected, either - and now we've got nothing but tightly crossed fingers and toes. And I don't like it. It's all completely out of our hands.

   This is immensely important to us. We've been a couple for 7 years this May, and living together for 6. We're committed, we're determined - but what can we do if the law changes and he has to leave? I can't follow, not with my mum in the condition she's in.
   I'm trying to remind myself that there's no point in stressing, because with absolutely nowhere to turn but also no clue how severely it's going to affect us, everything's up in the air. As it is, the only thing we can do is turn our minds away from it and leave the stressing and panicking for when there's actually something to stress and panic about. Otherwise we're putting ourselves through undue strain for potentialy (hopefully hopefully hopefully hopefully hopefully) no reason.

   Fortunately, there's been much in the way of distraction. We've just finished Horizon Zero Dawn, which was simply amazing, and now we're playing Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild. This Thursday - though we're extremely unenthusiastic about it - Mass Effect Andromeda comes out, and it also looks like patch 7.2 for World of Warcraft will be coming out quite soon, too. So there's much in the way of video game distractions.

   Then there's the fact that I've also almost finished my book (the first of two) - I'm tantalisingly close to the end - and so that has been seriously absorbing my attention in between, and will continue to do so for a while. Once I've finished writing it, it needs redrafting, and then I need to refine the plan for the second one. I'm not doing a thing with the first until the whole story is finished - no agent submissions, no self-publishing - so don't expect to see anything about it for at least a year.

   But that's where I am right now. I'm tense, but I'm successfully distracted. It's when I go to bed, turn out the lights and snuggle up to him that it all comes crashing back into my mind.


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