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Thursday, 3 October 2013

Exasperated, and Almost Angry

   I'm not 100% about what's making me feel this way - perhaps I'm just PMSing - but lately I've been feeling extremely irritated, and very almost angry. Snide comments have been slipping from my lips left, right and centre, and I've been getting into arguements with Seeg, both in person and in my head - and, of course, that only makes me angrier.
   The thing is, I'm clever enough to realise that it's all me, and if anyone can correct it, it's me, and me alone. I can sit around asking Seeg to make me feel better all I want, but if I don't make the effort to push it all aside - whatever 'it all' is - then when he makes me feel better, it'll only last for a moment.

   I put it down to two things, and I am a little surprised with myself with one of them. I'm a little irritated with Seeg's friends, but in fairness, I always am. I don't like them, not at all, but I'd never ask him to stop speaking to them ever again. That's just too far, and, well, I don't dislike them that much. It's just that they can be a little clingy and obsessive, to the point that if they don't have his attention, they'll keep on and on until they get it. And the problem is, I'm like that too, but I don't feel like I'm allowed to be because they are. This is something that I face frequently, but always get over when I remember how stupid I'm being. But, when I am going through it, it's still not easy.
   The other thing - the one I'm actually surprised about - is Grand Theft Auto. This franchise is notorious for stealing boyfriends. Relationships break up over it because the game is so big and immersive that girls can't keep their boyfriend's attention. This is, of course, a stereotype, but it's a common one nonetheless. I don't usually fall into it, either. Personally, I'd never play the game because I don't like the subject matter at all, but I can very, very easily raise my hands and say that I have watched him play it, I did enjoy it, and it has most probably the best voice acting in history, out of any game or movie or radio. Even nameless characters who are there for 2 minutes have amazing voice acting, and that gives the game a real strength. It is a good game, but it's not one I can say I'd play or get excited over the release of.
   The reason I'm surprised is because I'm not the kind of girlfriend to get jealous over a game. I play games myself, I know when they can and cannot be paused, I know how much attention they demand at points, and I'm actually very good when he's playing games. I won't try to talk to him about anything that needs his attention if he's in a fight, speaking to an NPC or whatever - and some games I won't talk to him during at all - because I know he can't spare the time, and some things can't be paused whether they're online or not. But the thing is, I am getting upset about this game, and now they've released GTA Online, regardless of bugs, and I know that's going to steal his attention, too, and worse, it's going to coincide with the first thing I mentioned, which is going to make it worse.

   I'm feeling exasperated and almost angry in general because of these two things, and they overlap as well, unfortunately. I feel like I can't get his attention when I need it - need it as in I'm feeling down, not as in I have something important to say - and it's making me feel really miserable lately. And, of course, if I am PMSing, then I can trust my ever 'faithful' brain to start dwelling on problems until they're huge and make me want to scream, when, in reality, they were never problems at all. Not even nuisances. And that's something else, I can't tell if I am PMSing or if this is actually something that is truly upsetting me.

   Like I said, only I can get myself out of this, but I wish sometimes I could put a wall up around him and guarantee to keep his friends away for an evening so that we could do something together without fear of them crying for his attention. I don't think they even realise how clingy they are. Though, I suppose the same could be said for me.
   I just wish I knew what to do, how to hurry myself out of this, how to make him and his friends realise it without upsetting any of them, and how to not feel like this again.

   Eh, whatever. I'm sure I'll be fine in a week. If not, then I'm sure a game disc might go missing.



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