I read a blog a week or so ago, and the writer asked if you'd rather know everything that has happened, or everything that will happen. You had to pick one, and you couldn't change your circumstances.
Stop reading this post right now and tell me which you would rather and why, and then come back and read the rest of this. I don't want my post to sway any of you.
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In truth, I'd want to know everything that has happened. I'm the sort of person that only looks at the bad stuff, and I'll linger on it, too. I don't want to know when, where or how I'll die. I don't want to know whether my dreams will fail or succeed. I also don't want to know if the vials I'm still waiting for turn up in the post tomorrow or not. See, I need the hope. Hope is such a powerful thing for me.
In my day to day, I have very little to focus hope on. I just get on with things. I don't need to hope that my boyfriend will be there beside me when I wake up, because he will, and the same applies to most things. Which leaves me room to hope on simple things, the biggest of which is what the postman will bring. Usually it's junk, of course, but lately I've been waiting for a lot. DVDs, craft stuff, art, more craft stuff, and then a little more crafty bits. So I do my exercise, looking out of the window to see if the postman's coming or not, and when he does and he's been, I go to the door to see what's there. But now it's all dying down, which means the excitement of knowing something will probably arrive has been replaced with the hope that something might (key of which: vials - it's driving me mad!). In fact, if the post man isn't bringing anything that day, I'd rather not know he's been. At least then I can hope it's all just a little late.
I also remember, foolishly, perhaps, hoping that when Seeg still lived in the Netherlands that he might come and surprise me one day. You know that day dream that maybe when you look out of the window, that someone special will be standing outside, waiting to build the courage to knock, or whenever the doorbell rings, that special someone will be standing there? Well, sometimes hoping pays off. But more on that at another point.
I also love history and science. How great would it be (for me, perhaps) to find out what really happened to the dinosaurs, or how the earth was formed, or what it was like to live during the World Wars? To know things that others lived through, or things that no one else may ever know for certain? It would be amazing - and you'd be awesome at quiz night! Even though I really enjoy learning about it all and trying to figure out what the most plausible answer could be to some of these things, I'd still prefer to have the answer in my hand.
This may be because one of my fears is people thinking I'm stupid. Ever since I was little I always acted the fool. I'd make people laugh - and that felt great! It still does! But the problem I face now is that I feel as though my friends and people I don't see frequently still think of me that way, and don't realise I have a brain. I don't know, I think part of the reason I learn new things is to show these people I'll never see or speak to again that I'm not a fool. Who knows? But it's mostly because learning new things is amazing, finding things out, knowing things that you are relatively sure your neighbour doesn't know. And I don't mind my sister not enjoying talking to me because I'm "boring" for being interested in science. In my funny little mind, it makes me awesome.
On an unrelated note, Seeg actually said to me once "I'd love to spend one day in your mind" when I spouted some random thought. I didn't think people every actually said that :P
I look forward to reading your responses!
PS, I think I might try to make "Would You Rather?" a frequent thing - if I can come up with the relevant content! I would love to get to know my readers that way!