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Friday, 20 January 2012

OCD

   Well, I've developed a little bit of OCD. And I think I know why.
   They say the longer you're out of work, the harder it is to get back in. The same goes with socialising and leaving the house. Looking after my mum, I don't get out much. My boyfriend and I are quite antisocial people in person. We don't go out, we are perfectly happy to stay indoors and play some games, watch TV (totally addicted to How I Met Your Mother right now, got season 1 and 2, it's replaced the entire 1-8 Scrubs season boxset) or make stuff...well I make stuff, he doesn't, but the point is we're happy to stay in. When we do go out it's that much more fun.
   But, of course, there is a problem with it. I've always had a small OCD, like if I bump one side of my toe, I have to bump the other side, and do it again to the other foot on the same toe. And if I bumpt it too hard on one side I have to bump the rest again so that they all match up. Yes, I'm quite strange.
   But it's gotten a lot worse. My main problem now is peeing. I go to the toilet about 6 times before dinner, and I'm talking in a 4 minute time period. And I might get up and go again once during, too. I don't need to use the toilet, I just need to make sure I don't need to while I'm eating. Eventhough I know if I relaxed and stopped thinking about it, I wouldn't anyway. I do the same before bed, but, fortunately I'm not as bad then.
   And on top of that, I've created a new habit of frowning while watching TV or using the PC. I'll frown hard several times, then raise my eyebrows high, and do it again. I must look like a lunatic, but I can't stop it.

   They say the first step to defeating a problem is admitting that you have one. I can admit that it's OCD, in fact I'm eager to, because I don't like the idea that I might be mad :P and that does make it easier to try to stop it, but it's crazt just how hard it is to stop something that is obsessive and compulsive. I have to fight to do it. I twist my hands a lot too, and roll my shoulders, in the same manner that I bump my toes. I need both sides to be even, but I'm not sure what possesses me to actually start it in the first place. I don't know how long that one's been going on, but whenever I'm holding hands with seeg and I start doing it, he tries to stop me...or jokingly starts doing it too so then I have to do it more to even out what he's doing! His joking makes it easier to take, though.
   It does upset me, when I have to go to the toilet so many times. I hate myself when I do it but it's so hard to stop. I keep thinking "just once more, then I'll stop," but then I go again and think the same thing.

   In fact the entire time I've been writing this I've been raising and lowering my eyebrows, and rolling my shoulders.

   Anyone else suffer from this sort of thing? Or have any tips other than "fight it"? I think I can tackle it  myself, I just wonder if anyone has any info that could help.



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