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Tuesday, 31 January 2012

New Lines.

   I need them. But I just can't come up with anything! My envelope rings are my biggest hit, but I can't come up with anything similar, completely different, or in between. Seeg says I'm trying too hard and that I will come up with something if I let myself, but instead I'm obsessing. And I begrudgingly admit that's he's completely right. I've been through this before, but I've not had anywhere near as much on my plate at those points. I've neglected my writing - it's very difficult to keep a trilogy going - and I'm trying  hard to turn back to it. It's what I want to make a career out of, but I keep focusing on my shops and rubbish like that so I don't give myself the chance to do what really counts.
   I'm completely swamped by everything going on at the moment, but I've realised that I also have a lazy approach to just everything, no matter how much I want it. Sometimes I think I'm all talk. I still have to read through the rest of my first book, I have about 10 chapters to go, and then I can contact agents. I can't do that on an evening or weekend, though, because the house is too busy and my brain isn't in gear, so my only opportunity is to do it in the early afternoon Monday to Thursday - and I keep forgetting. My own fault, of course, I know.
   I'll be so happy once it's done, it's really weighing me down. The longer you put off doing something you have to do to progress with something, the harder it is to start. I finished my first book at the end of March last year. I've wasted 9 months doing nothing. And the worst part is that if I had stuck with it it would only have taken me about 23 days to do the lot. One chapter a day. 5 weeks, with 3 days off a week, taking only about an hour and a half a day to do it, it would have been done by now. Seriously. I tell you all now, if there is something that you know you have to do be it now or next month, do it now. When next month rolls around you'll wish you'd have already done it.

   Buuut I can't concentrate exclusively on my writing because my jewellery shop keeps muscling in demanding attention. And I can't come up with anything. Then my new shop which will soon be put in vacation mode until I am actually ready to open it is demanding attention on top of that. Then whenever I sit down to work I can't help putting the television on, which distracts me from writing. It's fine if I'm crafting something or the other, but when I sit down with my boyfriend playing on his laptop to my immediate right, and the TV on to my immediate left, my brain can't really get a word in edge-ways. And it's hard not to turn the TV on!
   Ultimately, I have dedication issues. I procrastinate. I'm happy to put something down and say I'll continue it tomorrow - but I did that with some of my paintings and I've not touched them since. I suppose on one hand, having simple arts that don't take long to start and finish is beneficial for me. But it can be boring, too.
   I think what I need is to find some space - god only knows where - to call my own. And if not space, then some time. I want to get a desk in my room at some stage so I have somewhere to better write and craft, where Seeg isn't to my immediate right, and I'm not inclined to put the TV on because it won't be right next to me. Instead, there will be a set of shelves dedicated to housing the wonderful handmade and vintage items I accumulate through Etsy and Storenvy which serve nothing more than a decorational purpose. My lovely fox painting by Constantly Constance will have a wonderful place to hang, alongside the others I will buy, when she gets around to them! As will an adorable fawn from Wonder Forest, which I cannot wait to finally purchase. It'll be my pride and joy, that shelf. Y'know, along with my writing :D

   I suppose I do just need to sit down, write out everything I want to do, prioritise it and draw up some sort of schedule which will enable me to indeed do all of it. I might even get more done than I am now. Another problem I face, however, is easy distractions, and excuses. The weather has been sooo bad here for the past week, which has really stood in the way of tutorials I wanted to photograph. In the end, it got to Wednesday (I planned them the Friday before and was going to wait for Monday to do them, but typically the clear sky has been shrouded in cloud since that day) and I just decided to do them in what light I had. Worst comes to worst I could always redo them. Fortunately, they worked out, but there's one I'm doing soon that I'm convince will fail immediately, with or without good lighting! But, I will try anyway, since I've bought the ingredients specially.

   Anyway, I'll stop complaining and going on now. With any luck, things will plan out well enough. I just hope I do actually make that list...



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